your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
