At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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