my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
