I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
