He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
