Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He has the fingertips of a God
The air taste purple.
Randomize
