Your face is a jimmy john
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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