theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
