Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
