my soul wont recognize me after tonight
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize