I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
