I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
