we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
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