just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
