worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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