You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
