By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
