apparently the secret to your success is patron
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just want nice things and good sex
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
