Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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