I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
