"it" just moved
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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