dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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