those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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