dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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