So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
