easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
