Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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