Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think I sprained my soul last night
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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