I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My vagina is very pro this idea
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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