Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
