I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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