..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
