she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize