i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
