I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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