well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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