Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
