So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I have aggressive nipples.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
