i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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