I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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