U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
