Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
