I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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