Pants 0. Shit 1.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
