I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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