I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
