we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
