I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
