he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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