Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
