god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
