new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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