Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Please don't give away my fajitas
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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