He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
