i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
