i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
