i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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