If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
