he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
