if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
