How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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