I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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