dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
