So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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