Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
