It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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