So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
