Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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