I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
