She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
