Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
