where am i from again
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
