after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize