Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
