can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
