just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
