I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
