oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
