she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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