her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
