Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
