So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
